Yes, I said it. The compliment sandwich is an awful way to give critical (constructive) feedback. I know your HR department is probably telling you that it’s what you should be doing, but I think they’re wrong. The popular term “compliment sandwich” refers to the practice of delivering the “needs improvement” news by first stating something that they’re doing well, then discussing their need for improvement, and closing with another compliment on a separate area of their performance. Let’s break that down.
We start with a positive note, so we lift their spirits. We praise something that they’re doing right. Then we get down to brass tacks and explain that they need to improve in a different area. We then close by going back to a complimentary tone. That’s three different messages. That means that the chances of the recipient absorbing your “needs improvement” message are already slim, since attention spans are pretty short.
To make matters worse? People process positive and negative feedback at different speeds. Some folks hold on to positive feedback for a very long time and are buoyed by it. These people are less likely to hear your ‘needs improvement’ message at all. On the other hand, some folks hold on to negative feedback for years, and won’t hear your complimentary remarks. Either way, the theory behind the compliment sandwich is flawed, especially when you consider that the last thing that either person wants to do is have the same conversation twice.
Compliment sandwiches do both the giver and receiver a great disservice.
There is a better way:
Positive feedback, or appreciation, should be shown in the moment, or shortly thereafter. It should come in the mode that is most appreciated by the receiver. For some, that is a public shout-out at the next company-wide event, or departmental meeting. For others it is volunteering to help with a task or simply buying a cup of their favorite form of caffeine. In my office, we have a small, informal peer-to-peer award that gets passed around. Chances are, if you wait to compliment someone until you need two compliments to form a sandwich, it is no longer timely. The other major issue with the compliments used in a compliment sandwich is that they do not come across as authentic. Maybe they really are, but they won’t be perceived that way by the recipient. The compliments will feel forced when they surround some not-so-great news.
Genuine, timely appreciation can go a long way in motivating someone to do better work. I challenge folks to re-think why they are leaning on the compliment sandwich. It is a fear of confrontation? While it might feel more comfortable to use the ‘sandwich’ than a straightforward evaluation, keep the end goal in mind. The goal should always be to help the receiver improve, and hopefully to only have the conversation once. Try consistent appreciation and some old-fashioning coaching, instead.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “I already coached them, and they still fell short,” then giving them an evaluation on where they stand is absolutely the right move. Do not hide it among compliments. Instead, lay your critique out (calmly and respectfully) and then clearly explain the consequences and ramifications. Help them map out an improvement plan, and offer to chat more about their progress toward that plan in the future. I promise this is more likely to lead to real improvement than a vague, half-hidden hint.
According to Aubs 