When to say “No”
When you notice that the same important task you’ve been putting at the top of your daily to-do list is still there… four days later.
When you realize that you are doing something that is not on your job description, that you could have delegated to another member of the team.
When you find yourself in a meeting about a project that you are not excited about, or required to work on.
When you have no bandwidth left to take on a cool new project that you are excited about and think could really benefit your professional development.
When you find out that a supervisor told someone, “Ask her, she’s a good person for to-do items,” and realize that by her, they mean you.
Yikes. Saying, “No,” at work is really hard for me. In fact, I’ve noticed a pattern. I don’t say no until I’m completely overwhelmed. By the time that happens, I’m likely to get snarky about it. Clearly, this is a vicious (and unproductive) cycle. I began to recognize this pattern in my behavior just a few months ago and have been working on finding better ways to say no sooner. I’m going to share here some of what I have learned.
Why it’s time to say no:
The temptation for me has been to help out my co-workers and boss at any point. In part, this is because I want to learn as much as I can about as many things as possible. In part, it’s because I’m early in my career, working in a small “all hands on deck” type of office (which I love) and I don’t want to seem selfish or unhelpful and risk souring our relationships.
The more I think about it, the stuff I said, “yes,” to when asked was either A) not in my job description (which is plenty full, thank you) or B) not really helping me learn or try something new. While having a reputation for chipping in when necessary is great, what will ultimately make me stand out is doing new and innovative things with the programs that I am in charge of-which I do not have enough time to do right now.
If I’ve got no time to do it, it’s because I haven’t said, “no” enough. In fact, I’ve said “yes” so many times that I have no time to say, “hell yes,” to a cool new project. That’s on me.
Now that I’ve got that figured out, I need help on how to say no, because “Not if you want me to finish this write-up before I leave,” is not a good answer to your boss’s, “Can you review this letter?” Whoops. Let’s see if we can come up with a better plan for next time.
How to say it:
When I was 21, I asked my friends and family to write me letters. Something that my mom wrote to me has stuck with me all of these years. She told me, “We really do train people how to treat us; be a better teacher!”
She really hit the nail on the head with that. If we constantly say, “Yes” to things we shouldn’t, we just get asked for more, more, more. We have to train people to understand that our time is valuable. This doesn’t mean that we say no to everything that is not on our job description. That is a quick road to being the pariah of the office, and a surefire way to wave bye-bye to a decent reference.
To say no well, you have to do it diplomatically, fairly, and consistently.
Saying no diplomatically
- Let them know why you can’t help: explain what else you’ve got going on (they may just be unaware)
- If you can, provide some other options or ideas: recommend another person who might have bandwidth (check with them first!) or a technology that could help
- Thank them: it’s a sign that they value you or admire your work if they have asked you to take on more or help them with a task!
- Practice.
Saying no fairly and consistently
- Establish a preemptive no: seriously, this is brilliant. Have a goal-oriented discussion with your co-workers and/or boss; use that conversation as a reference point when you have to say no.
- Create your own personal policies: A Don’t-Do Policy is a clear way to set a personal boundary that people are likely to respect, according to Jack Canfield. It’s also a simple way to make sure that you are always saying no to the same types of things, regardless of who asks. (This could feel really tough to do early in your career, but it’s worth exploring.)
I hope this is as helpful to you as it was to me, now I’ve got a date with my mirror for a little no-saying practice. If I’m going to be able to say, “Yes!” to new projects and responsibilities, I’ve got to say “no” first.
According to Aubs 